This post is written in light of the fact it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
“It’s your fault.”
“You brought this on yourself.”
“If only you’d kept your mouth shut.”
The above are all common words of an abuser. An abuser does not take responsibility for their own actions.
I’m not a psychologist, so I can only guess that if they could or did take such responsibility, they might not be able to live with themselves.
But it’s not your fault.
I’ve heard those words, from parents and a partner. I remember the black pit of despair day after day when someone acted out their anger on me.
I also know how limited the resources and help can be. A call to a domestic violence shelter, to a stranger who can’t offer anything other than words, or to the police, especially if you are in a situation where you are financially dependent on another person, worse yet if you have a dependent child. You don’t know how you will survive. You fear the unknown.
I don’t have all of the answers for you, because I didn’t have them for myself either. But please don’t live in silence. Tell your friends, your family, anyone you can trust. Find a way out, give yourself hope. Because it’s not your fault.